


Not In That Way

by Author_Authenticated



Category: Watch Dogs (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Based on a Sam Smith Song, Guns, Introspection, M/M, Self Harm, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love, Wrench being left alone to his thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:44:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Author_Authenticated/pseuds/Author_Authenticated
Summary: I'd never ask you 'cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd sayYou'd say, "I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way."





	1. Not In That Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Not In That Way by Sam Smith.

Wrench wasn’t a man of romance. Simple as that. He didn’t hold hands, he didn’t kiss, he _sure as hell didn’t make love,_ he didn’t address his feelings, and filtered everything less than erratic out and shoved the remains down the drain. Infatuations were dissected. Throw out the romance, and keep the lust. Heartbreak was dissected. Throw out the weakness, keep the anger. Keep everything that kept up the guise of recklessness. In his own mind as Wrench, with his mask and spikes, he was immortal. Over the years, he was getting better at it. Becoming _The Wrench_ and nothing behind the mask.

 

Until you took the mask away.

 

The moment Wrench was shaken to the core was when Dusan and his shit-crew in Blume had taken his mask away from him. He was left exposed, nothing to cover the man he was trying to forget. He had spent so long becoming The Wrench and he was left a deer in headlights when it was stripped away from him. _All he was, just a man._ He was _not_ immortal. He had stared at his tattoos, the only thing left on him that he could still claim as Wrench’s. In that moment, he had lost years worth of pretending. He lost himself, and he lost his filter, and the emotional floodgates had opened.

…

His hands shook as he took his mask back from Marcus’s soft hold. His knees weakened as Marcus’s legs bumped against his. Without the mask he was hyper-aware of everything, every movement and every beat his heart produced. He could pretend he didn’t notice when Marcus’s hands brushed against Wrench’s. He could pretend his breath didn’t hitch when his eyes met the glinting mask. He could pretend he didn’t feel anything other than companionship towards Marcus. He could feel his fingers getting colder while his cheeks got warmer. He couldn’t open his mouth to say anything, his heart was so empty even though it was beating so fast.  
…  
It was hard for Wrench to act the same when he was around Marcus. He was himself again, but he couldn’t stop focusing on Marcus. He had done so much for Wrench even though he didn’t deserve it. Wrench couldn’t think of a single thing he could do to repay the man who had retrieved a piece of him from Blume. He had asked Marcus, but Marcus said it was the right thing to do. _That they were a family._ It wasn’t breaking, sure, but it had hurt. Wrench hadn’t come to terms with how he felt for Marcus yet. He felt… something. He wouldn’t call it love. _Not yet._  
  
**_And I hate to say I love you, when it's so hard for me. I hate to say I want you, when you make it so clear- you don't want me._ ** ****__  
  
\--  


_“Marcus…?”_  
_“Yeah, Wrench?”_  
_“...What do you think of me?”_  
Marcus took a deep breath. _“You’re my best friend, man. You’re family. You, Sitara, Josh, Horatio, Ray… You’re all family. I couldn’t ask for a better squad. No one can replace you Wrench, you’re one of a kind. You’re crazy, you’re loud, you’re a party animal, you’re an anarchist, you’re a rebel, and I wouldn’t give you up for anything. You’re Wrench. You’re so_ **_you_ ** _that you don’t need me to tell you what I think of you. You’re my brother, and my best friend.”_  
_“...Mask and all?”_  
_“Mask and all.”_  
  
**_I'd never ask you, 'cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say. You'd say, "I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way."_ ** ****__  
****__  
\-- ****__  
****__  
Wrench sat in his cramped little hideout and let it all out. It was pitch black, aside from the soft glow of his mask from across the room and the moonlight peeking in from the window. His hideout was close to the middle of nowhere, an abandoned New Dawn treatment facility. He Wrench-ified it soon after he found it. It couldn’t have been bigger than the Hackerspace, but it was where he currently called home. It was as quiet as void, _hell_ , it was quieter than _Josh._ He hated quiet, it left him with his thoughts. _Like how he was totally, 100%, certified, in love with Marcus. Like how Marcus was never going to love him back. Like how Wrench wasn’t going to say anything about how he felt. Like how he felt empty without his company. Like how he couldn’t focus whenever he was around, the same way he couldn’t focus on anything while he wasn’t around either. Like how he had grown dependent on the other hacker. Wrench knew he was destined to be alone forever, and he knew he was destined for no one to love him back._  
  
**_And I hate to say I need you, I'm so reliant, I'm so dependent, I'm such a fool. When you're not there,  I find myself singing the blues. Can't bear, can't face the truth._ ** **  
**...

Wrench rocked back and forth on his bed and tried to breathe through the tears shaking his shoulders. He shuddered and struggled to breathe without his breath hitching. He stared into the dark as his whole core began to tremor. He felt himself starting to get light headed, feeling static in his fingers and nose. His lungs ached and his eyes were on fire. He desperately rubbed his eyes against the mediocre cloth of his bed sheets in an effort to ease the burn, but his fingers began to lock as well. His head began to throb and he stared down at his phone. It was a selfie of him and Marcus. Marcus was beaming and he had been pretending he didn’t want to be in the picture. Marcus looked so happy, and Wrench remembered how his heart skipped when Marcus took the picture. Wrench almost smiled as a tear hit the screen of the phone. Wrench hiccuped and began to break down again.  
  
**_You will never know that feeling, you will never see through these eyes._ ** **_  
_ ** **_I'd never ask you 'cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say - You'd say, "I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way."_ **


	2. Rampage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah my baby has a baby, but it’s not me.  
> It’s an AK47 semi-automatic gun, and  
> he loves her more than he loves me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Rampage, by Nicole Dollanganger.

Marcus was most definitely the type to get weak around his crush. With that came an incessant need to prove to himself and to his crush that he was above that kind of stuff. No romance, all business. And when that _business_ came in the form of a 5’10, tattooed, studded babe with a mask, Marcus had to keep it all to himself. He wasn’t going to let some lust bring him down, so he continued every day life amongst the hackers. Every day was mostly action-packed and rewarding, fit to be a day Marcus always wanted to remember. Surrounded by his friends, doing what he loved, and making memories.

 

That, is when the _romance_ part of the days came in. It had been days after Dusan’s arrest, and the team was at it’s highest point. Sitara, Josh, Ray, Wrench, and himself all went out and partied to celebrate the taking down of such a corrupt force. Sitara had Josh carried bridal style and insisted on taking him home after 4 AM had passed,  and Ray had disappeared. That left Marcus and Wrench to themselves. Wrench had offered a nice place to go and clear their heads. Blurry memories of Wrench leading him up a building, stumbling up staircase after staircase, dark shadows and dark blue-gray skies, and bumbling smiles. He remembered being so high up he felt as if he couldn’t breathe, the great orange and pink San Francisco skies shimmering over the sea and city glass taking his breath away. He wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, but he thought he could remember warm fingers intertwining with his own. He didn’t take his eyes off of the sunrise until it was too late, and he had fallen asleep upon the tall building.

He woke up alone.  
…  
Marcus didn’t hear from Wrench again until 3 days later. It was nearing 2 AM, and Marcus’s phone began to ring. He couldn’t imagine who could possibly be calling him at that time, but since he was awake, he answered it anyway.

_"Yo?”_

_“Marcus- I- please just talk to me I don’t think I’m okay.”_

_“Wrench? What- What’s going on? Are you hurt?”_ Marcus was immediately concerned, he could tell just by his voice that Wrench wasn’t wearing his mask, which was his first suspicion. Wrench was breathing heavily, and his voice was cracking.

_“I can’t do this Marcus- I can’t. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, it hurts and I can’t breathe and I need you to tell me that it will all be okay in the end even though it won’t.”_

_“Wrench, tell me what’s wrong- I- of course it’s going to be okay in the end. You- you’ve gotta tell me what’s going on, man. Are you hurt?”_

_“Physically? Perfectly fine, if a few broken knuckles don't count. Emotionally? F-Fuck dude, I’m not even sure if I’m awake right now. It- It all feels like some kind of fever dream, I don’t think I’m stable right now. Everything hurts, n-not my body, but my heart and head and my fingers keep locking up. I’m not okay, Marcus. I’m on top of Sutro Tower right now and I can’t stop thinking, I think my brain’s going to explode. I’m spilling again.”_

Marcus just let Wrench let it all out. He had jolted when Wrench told him where he was. _“Wrench! It’s not worth it, there's an answer to this and we’ll fix whatever's going on, please don't jump-”_

_“No. I’m not going to jump. I need you to answer something.”_

_"Yeah?”_

_“Do you love me, Marcus?”_

_"I- What? Yeah, man. I love you like a brother, you're family to-”_

_“No, Marcus! Do. You. Love. Me?”_

Marcus froze. It was around 10 seconds of silence where he heard the broken sobs start up again, and a frustrated cry. He heard Wrench curse and scream at himself, and then a sudden silence. He heard a loud grunt, and the speaker of his phone becoming overridden with noise. A split second of a crash started, and very suddenly, the noise stopped and the line disconnected.

…

 **_i_ ** **_hear him screaming like late night white trash TV stations, black combat boots pacing in through the school building. he’s gonna fight the good fight, the noble war._ **

…

It took Wrench a week to show up back at the Hackerspace. Apparently, Sitara has received a handwritten note a day prior to Wrench’s disappearance, so she wasn't _too_ worried about him. Wrench came back mostly the same Wrench as usual, only his attire had changed. He wore dark red long sleeves that matched his vest, studded black combat boots, and loose sweat pants. It wasn't much of a change, and Wrench _did_ still look the anarchist part, but there was something in his voice that had changed. Wrench no longer had that bright eyed, kid-on-Christmas-morning tone when he talked to anyone. Only when he was talking about explosives or guns or any weapons, his pitch would raise and he’d finally be the same Wrench that he was. No one had asked Wrench where he went or why he did, and the anarchist didn't tell. The more somber Wrench worked as he usually did, telling shitty jokes and making weird comments, but less frequently. Josh had been the first one to pull Marcus aside.

_“Wrench is a lot more approachable now. I don't like it.”_

_“What’s so wrong with that? He’s just low on energy, or something. Maybe he’s tired.”_

_“No, if he was tired, he’d sleep for 16 hours straight again and would be back to normal after a single Redbull. He's… being weird. Fix him, Marcus.”_

_“Wh-Why do I have to fix him? Why can't it be Sitara?”_

_“Because you’re_ you, _Marcus.”_

_“I- okay. I’ll talk to him, Josh.”_

_…_

Marcus went over to The Wrench Bench and tapped Wrench on the shoulder. He smiled, happy to see the anarchist’s mask again.

_“Hey! Wrench, I was wondering, maybe later we can-”_

_“H-Hey Marcus! Sorry, but I uh, was planning to work on this new gun until it’s done. I’m gonna try and hyperfocus this shit until I’m done. Sorry about that.”_

_“Well… Maybe I can help you out? I’ll keep you fed with pizza and beer! And maybe we can just talk.”_ Marcus was close to pleading, fists clenched at his sides.

 _“I’d rather work alone right now, y’know, Batman style. No Robin right now, I’m more of a… Batman post-Jason-Todd right now. Maybe later?”_ Wrench stared back down at the barrel of the gun, printed with neon colors and graffiti sprayed all over it.

_“Alright.. I guess. Catch you later, Wrench?”_

_“Yeah, Marcus. Sure.”_

_…_

**_Yeah, my baby has a baby, but it’s not me. It’s an AK47 semi-automatic gun, and he loves her more than he loves me._ **

\--

Wrench didn't make another effort to hang out with Marcus, until a few days later.

 _“I’m going down to the gun range to go test out my new baby,”_ Wrench’s emotes blinked **^^** and he nodded at the semi-automatic in his arms. _“would you uh, want to accompany me…?”_

 _“I’d love to!”_ Marcus grinned, happy to just be around Wrench.

 _“Ain’t nothin’ like a good Kalash in the morning.”_ Wrench sighed contentedly, the bounce in his step showing through his masked exterior. He led Marcus to the car, and Wrench drove. Marcus debated to himself if he should bring up what had happened on Sutro. Or if he should ask about where Wrench went and what happened to him. He looked over to Wrench, who was humming some punk song softly. Marcus kept his mouth shut, wanting desperately to say something, _anything_  to Wrench, but couldn’t find the nerve to do so. Eventually, they showed up to the gun range, and it was all a blur until Wrench started shooting. The noise brought Marcus back to focus, loud pops in succession making him jolt backwards. Wrench didn’t even notice Marcus flinching. Marcus was sure that the only way to get Wrench to stop focusing on his gun and target was to shoot Wrench himself. Wrench found himself at the end of his clip, and sighed happily.

 _“Seriously, M. Who needs sex when you have guns? That was the best time I’ve had in awhile.”_ Wrench exclaimed. _“I remember my first time like it was just yesterday. I could feel my heart beating with every-”_

_“Please don’t tell me you stuck your dick in a gun, Wrench.”_

_“...Don’t start giving me ideas, M. This baby is one of a kind though, I’ll call it… ‘The Grinner.’ I’ll be doing street justice with this bad boy.”_

_“Who do you plan on taking out with that one, then?”_

_“Maybe some Umeni Security, maybe some Tez’s, maybe some gas tanks. I’ll figure it out later.“_  
Wrench didn’t stop talking about his gun, and Marcus couldn’t look away from his wrists. In the process of shooting, Wrench must have rolled his sleeves. Marcus knew it was rude to stare like that, but he couldn’t rip his eyes away from the dark purple blotches on his skin and the deeply colored lines on his wrist.

_…_

**_gunslinger, black duster, delusions of a western- he wears his hat on backwards, sets fire to his locker. he’s gonna fight the good fight, the noble war._ **

…

Wrench stopped talking mid-sentence after realizing Marcus had zoned out. His gaze traveled down to his exposed wrists, which he hadn’t bandaged or wrapped. The scabbed cuts were exposed, and Wrench quickly went to roll his sleeves back down.

_“M-My eyes are up here, you know…”_

_“Wrench… What happened to you on Sutro? Where did you go, Wrench? I was so afraid. You didn’t say anything, you just disappeared. I texted you so many times but they didn’t deliver. Please tell me what’s going on, Wrench.”_ Marcus began to choke up. He leaned against Wrench’s wiry frame and had a vice grip on his hand, so he couldn’t go anywhere.   _“Please.”_

 _“I… Marcus. I don’t want to talk about it, please. Just forget Sutro ever happened. I was in a bad place, but I’m feeling better now. I’m_ **_fine._ ** _”_

_“Bullshit, Wrench! You’re not fine, it’s obvious! Is it because of what you asked me? Please don’t lie to me, Wrench. I just want to be here for you.”_

_“Yes, it’s because of what I said! I’m a fucking idiot who doesn’t know what to say or when to say it, and I just want to pretend Sutro never happened.”_

_“You can’t just run away from your problems, Wrench. They’ll catch up to you eventually. Just say what you need to say.”_

_“It’s not that simple, M.”_

_“Yes it is! Stop with all of this ‘No one knows what I’m going through’ bull. If you don't say it, I will.”_

_“Marcus-”_

_“Do you love me, Wrench? Do. You. Love. Me?”_

_“I- when I was gone, I learned to repress all of my feelings. I don’t feel anything like that anymore. The only ones that I love are my guns. I don’t know what to say, Marcus.”_ Wrench’s voice declined to a whisper by the end. It was partially true. He repressed all of his feelings, but he did still have a few feelings towards Marcus.

 _“You don’t have to say anything, Wrench. It’s okay.”_  
…  
**_yeah my baby has a baby but it’s not me. it’s an AK47 semi-automatic gun, and he loves her more than he loves me._ **

\--

Marcus stared at his ceiling. The words Wrench had said rang through Marcus’s memories. The anarchist had sounded so vulnerable, and his emotes on his mask were completely blank. Even from his body language, Marcus had no way of deciphering if Wrench had meant anything else. Without Marcus’s glasses, the San Francisco streetlights peered in from his window, leaving vague lights to dance upon his ceiling. He listened to the cars pass by and with every sound he heard, the anarchist’s face appeared into his mind. Marcus reached for his phone, opening his texts and scrolling to Wrench’s name. He read over the texts he had sent on the night of Sutro.  
  
**wrench what happened - 1:57 AM (NOT DELIVERED)  
** **wrench seriously this isnt funny what did you do - 1:59 AM (NOT DELIVERED)  
** **WRENCH - 2:02 AM (NOT DELIVERED)  
** **please tell me whats wrong what did i do - 2:03 AM (NOT DELIVERED)** ****  
**i love you - 2:05 AM (NOT DELIVERED)** ****  
**i’m sorry wrench - 2:05 AM (NOT DELIVERED)** ****  
**please be okay - 2:08 AM (NOT DELIVERED)** ****  
****  
Marcus turned his phone off and slid it beside him. He could feel himself starting to breathe deeper, fingers twitching and heart beginning to beat faster. He continued to stare at his ceiling, and whispered in realization.  
_“Shit.”_  
…  
******_i’ll bet you’ve never seen the smile of savage-springfield 67H, with his blurry face and cracked voice gone through VHS tapes_**

**Author's Note:**

> DEADASS IF ANYONE IS WILLING TO WRITE ME A JOSH/WRENCH FIC I WILL WRITE U SMTH IN RETURN I AM A THIRSTY LITTLE BOY


End file.
